Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
