I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
