if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
