remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
