don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
