so that wasnt chicken after all
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
