her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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