Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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