Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
