tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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