Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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