Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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