bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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