i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
