And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
