you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
