I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
