I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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