you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize