you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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