i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
