Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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