i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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