At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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