If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
