she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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