is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
