I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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