there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
