I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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