i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
