SEEEEXXX PLEASE
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
