What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
