Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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