Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
