why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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