I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize