Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
