then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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