Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
