everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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