I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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