I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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