Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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