booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
