i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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