see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
