Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
