woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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