i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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