i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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