Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
