you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
