he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
