OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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