i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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