That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
