My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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