What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
