So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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