Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
