In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
