I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
