how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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