Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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