I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
