My sheets look like a crime scene.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
