Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
