apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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