we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
