Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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